Home

No Carter is not coming home. Yet. Home is a word that we haven't talked about pretty much ever with the Doctors. Today we did and it was awesome. Carter is a rockstar! Seriously the kid is blowing away everyone. Before surgery all the doctors kept telling us "now remember it is going to get a lot worse before it gets better". In almost all Trach cases that is true. Thankfully in Carters it hasn't been. We thought that he would be still on pain meds sedated 6 days post-op. Not Carter he decided today that he was ready to kick the vent and switch over to CPAP mode. Meaning the machine is just boosting his own breaths. He is doing all the breathing on his own. This morning when I talked to the Doctor it was his goal to get Carter to CPAP mode by Friday. I guess all it took was for Carter to hear that because he had awesome blood gasses after and switched over within a couple of hours. Pretty much we are ecstatic. Our hopes of coming home off the vent are becoming more of a reality. In fact one of the RT's today said she would bet a million bucks that he comes home off the vent. Keep your fingers crossed. If he came home off the vent that would mean a lot less in home nursing care and we could have more of a "normal" life. So the plan now is that all the Doc's, developmental, and whoever else are going to meet Thursday and figure out a concrete plan for Carter and discuss his DISCHARGE date!!! We won't come straight home. We will make a stop at Our Children's House in downtown Dallas for a couple weeks. Dr. Perez said we could be making our way over there as early as next week. There we will learn more trach care, wean him off his pressure support and hopefully change him over to trach collar (meaning humidify and oxygen). From there we will come home.

Speaking about trach care. Today was the first time they have changed out his trach since surgery. Not going to lie it was freaky! Good thing I have a strong stomach because seeing the hole in his neck wasn't too pretty. Somehow I mustered up the strength to do the care and clean up all the wounds. This is something that we will do daily forever so I figured might as well just get it all figured out now. I also learned how to suction him, easy. When we changed out his trach we put in a new kind that is so much more comfortable for him. He was such a happy boy after. Calmer than I have ever seen him. The stitches in his neck that were holding the trach in place were really irritating his skin so we were happy to get them out. He most definitely has sensitive skin like his Daddy and Brother.

This is what a trach looks like. Carter's is more rubbery, making it more comfortable for him. Pretty much the same thing. The long little tube thing is what goes into his airway and what he breaths out of. I try not too think too much about it because it kinda freaks me out. I know with time it will all become more normal.

Anyways the kid is cute. Freaking cute. We are so proud of him. The thought of him being home is unreal. I can't even put it into words. We are beyond happy! We have lots to do to get things ready for him to come home. We also need to get our CPR certification done. We have put it off for so long because we thought home was still a long ways a way. Time to get busy or I guess I should say busier our lives are pretty crazy.

Why we live in Texas

Because all last week it was in the 80's and we hit up the sand park or spray park almost everyday. Seriously I LOVE living here in Texas and this is just one of the reasons.

Soccer

We signed Boston up for Soccer this year. We decided with everything going on he needed something for just him. Last night was his first practice. It was hilarious to say the least. Boston definitely needs to practice his listening skills. He was zoning out quite a bit. When he actually listened he did pretty good. For some reason there was a lot of fake falling going on. It was hilarious to watch 3 year olds try to play. There was a lot of hands on the ball, asking their Dad's if they wanted to be on their team, and drink breaks. So cute and so glad we did it.

Boston was going on about four days of no naps. This was him after about 5 minutes in the car. He was exhausted to say the least. Maybe this had something to do with the zoning out. I'm not convinced, but who knows. One thing for sure is that if we let him he would wear his soccer cleats, shin guards, and shorts every day. He LOVES them!

After Surgery

Carter is doing great after surgery. Other than swelling up like a balloon and some bruising we have no complaints. They originally told us they would keep his completely paralyzed for at least 48 hours and on pain meds for at least a week. Well within 24 hours they stopped the paralytic and within 48 hours they stopped the pain meds. I was fine with the paralytic being stopped, but I questioned the doctor about the pain meds. He said Carter would let us know if he needed them. There were a couple times he moved today where it looked like it was painful, but other than that he looked very comfortable. One thing that has completely surprised us is that he has had great blood gasses and they have already started to wean his ventilator settings. Also he is only on 26% oxygen (the air we breath is 21%) this was a shocker to me as well. He has been more alert today and even smiled a couple times. Cutest thing ever!!! He is retaining a lot of the fluids so we need him to pee some more. He gained almost 10 oz. over the last 24 hours so pray for pee ;) His bowls aren't moving around that much which is normal after a stomach surgery. Once he poops he can start eating again.

We are so proud of Carter. It is so nice to see his face and he really looks so much more comfortable and happy without the tube in his throat. Thank you for your prayers.

Carter's Surgery

(Carter all prepped and ready for surgery. He was sure to completely empty his stomach with 3 dirty diapers before)

Today was Carter's Big day. He had a total 5 surgeries done. All day I kept saying "poor baby". I just feel so bad for him and his tiny body. He had a tracheostomy (in the throat), G-tube (his new feeding tube, left side of belly), Nissen (band around his belly, the way too long scar down his belly), Broviac line (two white tubes in his leg), and a circumcision. I can't even begin to describe how nervous Trav and I were all morning leading up to it. It hurt to breath and felt so labored. The two hour wait felt like a lifetime. The thought of my baby being cut open in five different spots almost put me on my death bed.

After it was all over we walked into his room and saw his face with nothing on it for the first time in his entire life. I can't explain the feeling other than bliss. I don't think we even recognized all the other stuff. We had huge grins on our face and kept saying over and over again how cute he was. He is nice and puffy and will be for a couple days. The ENT who did the tracheostomy said everything went great. Before surgery Trav and I kept saying how in the world are they going to fit a trach under his chubby cheeks. Apparently it was a little difficult. Our nurse said the Doctor had to tape up his double chin to make way. We had a good laugh at that. The pediatric surgeon that did everything else said it was a "boring" surgery. The past couple weeks have been anything but "boring" so that was definitely music to our ears.

They will keep Carter completely paralyzed for the next 48 hours and then slowly wean him off pain meds and everything else. The puffyness will go away once he starts to eat again and move around a little bit. So probably in a week or so. They are keeping drops in his eyes to keep them moist since he isn't blinking. I didn't even think about that. Good thing Carter has such amazing Nurses and Doctors. Our favorite nurse Susan was his nurse today. Trav always says that he has to drag me away from that place and it's true, but when Susan is there it most definitely is a lot easier. The ventilator is pretty much doing all the breathing for him since he is completely sedated. Hopefully in about a week we will be able to start weaning him off that too.

Boston spent the day with his cousins. He had a blast and didn't mind that we were gone one tiny bit. Brandon and Emily came up from Waco to help us out. Can't tell you how blessed we are. Our family is Amazing and they certainly are no exception.


Thank you everyone for your prayers we are so blessed. Carter continues to be a fighter and amazes us with what his little body can do.

100 Days

Today marks 100 days. I can't believe it has been that long. Some days especially the last two weeks feel like they will never end, but for the most part it has gone by pretty quick.

100 days of...
- the NICU being Carters home

- of driving 2+ hours a day in the car. Could be less, but when you are spending $400+ a month on gas the last thing we want to do is pay $6 a day in tolls.
- of trying to be a good mom in two different places.
- of being a single wife. That's what trav and I joke about because we never see each other.
- of our amazing ward bringing us meals twice a week.
- of being tired.
- of pumping 5-8 times a day.
- of Boston asking/begging me to not leave.

- of watching Carter grow almost 4x his birth weight.


- of sending trav his daily picture and text update on both boys.
- of wondering/worrying what the next day will bring.
- of being served more than I can even fathom.
- of leaving. Always leaving one of my boys to see another one. Can't wait until they are all three in the same place.
- of knowing/learning our Heavenly Fathers plan for us and for Carter.
- of trains. I don't know how it happens,but the kid decides he likes cars and all the sudden he has buckets full. Then he decides he likes trains and now trains and tracks are all over our house. Please tell me we are not the only ones that do this.

- of learning so much about myself.
- of thanking my Heavenly Father every day for the blessing of eternal families.


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The decision

Carter will be getting a tracheostomy on Tuesday the 22nd around noon. It was one of the hardest/easiest decisions for us to make. Easy because it was very clear it needed to be done. Hard because it breaks my heart that he has to go through it and it is no small commitment on mine and Travis' part.
Carter will also have two other surgeries done at the same time. Both are pretty much required for him to have a trach. He will get a G-tube put in his stomach for his feeding and medications. The incision sight will be about the size of a straw. He will also get a Nissen which is basically a band that will go around his stomach that will keep him from spitting up and throwing up. This is necessary because if either were to get stuck in his trach he would have no way to breath. This Nissen incision will be in the middle of his tummy 3/4 the way from his chest to his belly button. I am not a fan of this one, but understand it is necessary especially with his crazy reflux. They might circumcise him at that point too. Might as well get it all over with at one time. The ENT will do the tracheotomy and a pediatric surgeon will do the other two. It should take them a total of 2-3 hours.
Some things we brought to the table when trying to decide what we should do were...
-carter improved on CPAP last time. He lasted 7 hours which was great for him, but not that great. He was also pumped full of steroids so we know those seven hours were a result of them and he couldn't have done it with out them.
- we have no idea how long Carter will have the trach, what kind of in home nursing care will be required, what he can and can't do, how this will effect him long term, and the commitment trav and I will make. We still don't know any of these answers. Only time will be able to answer them.
- developmentally he NEEDS to get out of there. He lays flat on his back all day long. He doesn't have much social interaction with people accept when we are there.
- we knew that if we were to keep giving him a shot at CPAP we would still end up getting a trach and as our doctor put it we would be wasting time.
- he needs to be home with his family and we need him home. It makes me so sad when I walk in his room and he is wide awake staring at the wall. Getting a trach in the words of our doctor will "expedite" him home. Babies thrive at home and do so much better.
- he has completely out grown the vent. They have switched it over to cpap mode which mean he is doing all the breathing on his own. The vent tube is just keeping his airway open and providing him the oxygen he needs. This is another clear indicator that it is completely an airway issue.

Obviously prayer was a huge part in our decision and gosh I can't even begin to think how I could make it through this without it. I think I have asked every nurse, doctor, respiratory therapist, you name it and they are all completely confidant we are doing the best thing for Carter. Sure I hate the fact that we won't be able hear his voice and go home without help, but I know that Carter will be so much happier and I can't wait to see his face with nothing on it.


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The Dentist

Our life is about to get a whole lot crazier so I thought I better catch up on posts before it never happens. Hence the 3 new posts.

Anyways back at the beginning of the month we took Boston to the Dentist for his first time. I was really nervous about how he would do after his 3 year well check. I am pretty sure I never posted about that it was a sad sad day. Boston thinks that when you go to the doctor you don't come home. When I went I didn't come home I was put on bedrest and Carter still hasn't come home. He was very nervous and was crying hysterically when the nurse was trying to get his weight. They brought in a cute little baby with dark hair and said "watch Boston we are going to weigh Carter" you can figure the rest out. It didn't help he started crying and was very upset that some Mommy was taking his little brother away. Not good I cried too.

Back to the Dentist. Turns out he LOVED it! He told everyone in the office including those in the waiting room that his Grandpa was a dentist. He felt pretty cool. The hygienist was so great with him. She took him on an airplane ride in the chair which he thought was hilarious. He was so great during cleaning, x-rays, and everything else they did. He left with quite the loot. A balloon, new cars toothbrush, toothpaste, and an art kit. Definitely better than when I was a kid.

Random

Here are a couple random things...

The steroids may or may not give Carter a little buzz and make his eyes go crazy. I will let you decide.

This is what I have almost every day for lunch on the way to the hospital. Sometime I drink water instead. Just sometimes though. Healthy?

I have always loved pictures of him after the bath and this is no exception.

This is John and Ashley with the twins Harrison and Ella. Their little ones were born at 26 weeks just before Carter. They are such a great couple. She is such a perfectionist worry wort and he wears shirts that say things like "real men make twins". I love them. Harrison went home yesterday. They have been so much fun to share this crazy time with.

This is about a quarter of the amount of medical bills we have received. Getting the mail sucks it's usually full of bills for either Carter or I.

Getting him to make a normal face in a picture is very rare these days.

My Mom is awesome!!! Her and Boston make a fort together almost every time she watches him.

There is the crazy cute face again.

Trav and I had plans to go to the temple one night, but timing didn't work out so we took Boston along with us. He loved "rangel Ramoni"

He wears this often. Including our trip to the temple. Yikes!

When Trav went to Utah for his Grandma' s funeral I made this quilt for Carter with some scraps I had at home. Definitely not perfect, but ok for my first one and I had fun doing it.

3 months

Little man turned 3 months on the 11th. He weighed in at 6 pounds 11.6 ounces. He was over seven but has been loosing weight while on the steroids. Let's just say it gives him a little buzz and he burns more calories. I always talk about him medically, but never about anything else. So here are a couple things about Carter.
- he LOVES his binki. He is going to be a good sucker let's just hope his vocal cord/airway gets stronger so he can swallow.
- he is such a mellow little guy. So even tempered.
- as he gets closer to term he is becoming so much more alert. He follows peoples faces and voices.
- he loves his boppy time
- his hair gets really fuzzy after his bath.
- he is not a fan of "bath" time until you wash his hair. He would be perfectly happy if we did that all day long.
- he loves his Daddy. He always has. I think his voice is his favorite to hear.
- his neck is very strong. Not such a great thing when they try to keep his head in the same spot for ventilator safety.
- speaking of his head his head shape is looking so much better. It was starting to get really long and narrow. They have been laying him on a donut and it looks great.
- he is one strong boy. He can wiggle himself out of any swaddle which leaves his arms free to swing around and pull on his vent. Scary.
- he loves watching his mobile.
- he has the sweetest spirit. You can feel it the second you walk in his room.

Carter we love you so much. You continue to amaze us with what your tiny body can do. You bring an incredible amount of joy into our lives. We are so blessed to have you. You sure have come a long way in the last three months.


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What to do?

So Friday night when I went back to the hospital I asked the doctor if we should now schedule a care conference to figure out what we need to do going forward. His reply "there really in no need. It is very clear what the issue is and what needs to be done" he goes on the tell me that all we need to do was get the ENT the pediatric anesthesiologist and the pediatric surgeon to figure out a time with the OR to perform a tracheostomy. He said probably Tuesday or Wednesday.
Saturday Trav goes in to see the little man and talks to the head neo Dr. Santiago and picks his brain. He goes on to say that we wouldn't do surgery until he is full term so at least two weeks or we have the option the wait three weeks do another round of steroids and give him one last shot at CPAP.

Here are some thoughts we have had
- He did great on CPAP last time for Carter. Seven hours was great for him, but it is not that long. He needs to he able to last for good next time.
- If he did get a trach it would be best case senario because he most likely wouldn't require ventilator support and that throws out a lot of nurses being in our home time.
- If we don't do surgery it is a vey big possibility that in 3-4 weeks we might be back in the same spot and end up doing surgery.
- Is three weeks of growth and another round of steroids all he need?
- A trach will expedite him home. It will be more of a sure time and won't be so many if's.

Needless to say we were totally thrown for a loop when they put the maybe back in there. We hate to not give him another chance if he's got one, but he just hasn't shown that he's got what it takes. Dr. Santiago said if it were his kid he would give them another shot. Since I trust every word that leaves that mans lips I think we are going to give it another shot. More waiting and lots of praying. Go Carter Go!!!!


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Awesome and horrible

Today was that...awesome and then horrible. At eleven today we ext abated Carter and for seven hours he did awesome!!! So awesome that I thought we were out or very close to being out of the woods. I should know by now that in the NICU you are never safe. We got a call around seven tonight that Carters airway completely shut down. They had a hard time bringing him back and now he is back on the ventilator. We know now that it is strictly due to his vocal cord. He had awesome settings and blood gasses while he was on CPAP. His poor little body just couldn't sustain it. So now we will have a care council with our Doctors and nurses to discuss Carters future care. We most likely will be doing a tracheostomy. This has been a big blow to us tonight. I went from the highest of high to pretty low all within a couple hours. Trying to make myself stop asking when the blows will stop coming. It just doesn't seem to end these days. Good news is Carter ventilator settings are the bomb dot com and if we do get a trachea that is a HUGE blessing. One thing remains Carter is one strong boy. He did something today that he shouldn't have been able to do and completely shocked a lot of people. We sure love him and it was great to see his cute round face without the ventilator today.


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The Results

First off this is the picture of the four of us "together". Boston was about to jump out of the window. His face was awesome!

Lets start by saying that today has been way less eventful than everyone was planning on. Dr. Rone came in this morning and talked with Trav and I about all that he was going to do. We have gotten the impression from him and all our nurses and Doctors that Carter would need a Trach. Good news today he doesn't. We are not out of the woods yet, but it feels good to know there is still a chance. (does dumb and dumber come to mind for anyone else?) Dr. Rone found three things

1-Carter's left vocal cord is paralyzed. This is most likely a result of his heart surgery. This mean that his right vocal cord is trying to do all the movement of the air and all the speaking/noise. Long term Carter may require some speech therapy. The Dr. said he wont be a opera singer and well that is no worry to us, because he had no chance. It also most likely wont effect his ability to speak, but will effect the production of his voice. Meaning it might be horse or raspy.

2- His lungs might be contributing to the problem more so than we thought. He said they don't look horrible, but they don't look great. We take comfort in the fact that his vent settings don't portray that of very sick lungs.

3- Most surprising to us was that he used the word "beautiful" to describe his airway. He does have some swelling but it is very soft and is only there from the ventilator.

All during this I have wanted to make sure that we have given Carter every chance we could to get off the vent. We got the impression from Dr. Rone this morning that unless he thought Carter had a good chance to succeed without getting a trach he would go ahead and give him one. I forgot to mention that Monday night after the extabation is when the steroids spiked and really started to work for him. They couldn't turn his vent down enough. He LOVED those steroids. With that being said Dr. Rone noticed a big difference in the amount of swelling Carter had today as apposed to Monday. So he said in good faith he could not trach him with out letting the steroids do all that they could for Carter. So the plan now is to start steroids right away and let them do their stuff for 48 hours and try to put him on CPAP again on Friday. The Neo today said that at the rate they were turning his settings down on Monday and Tuesday she isn't sure that he will be able to go the full 48 hours before they ext abate. We are hoping that the steroids help the swelling and lungs so that it will be easier for the right vocal cord to do what it needs without the help of the left. So needles to say I am so happy that Carter still has the opportunity to try again and get a fair chance, because Mondays sure wasn't. One thing for sure Carter continues to be a fighter and our Heavenly Father is aware of him and us. Let all pray that the steroids work and Carter can make it. We are so blessed. Thank you!

Dr. Rone the surgeon on the left and Dr. Jones the anesthesiologist on the Right

Today

12:30- We just sent Carter off to the OR. We are excited that Carter WILL get the treatment he needs. We are anxious to know what that will be. The day started out great. We were able to play soccer with Boston in the backyard this morning and the best part was for the first time in almost three months the four of us were together for the first time as a family. Sure there was a door separating us, but the smile on Boston's face was so worth it!


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Big day

Turns out tomorrow is the BIG day. So big that I have been trying not to throw up all day I am so nervous. We told the doctor yesterday that we wanted them to be aggressive about getting the ENT in to see what is going on. When I got to the hospital this morning the doctor told me that she put in a call to the ENT Dr. Rone and told him to figure out his schedule so that we could fit Carter in sooner than later. He got back to her about an hour later and said tomorrow at 11:30. When she told me that I was very happy. Then she went on to tell me that if what he finds will require surgery he will go ahead and do it right then. The surgery they are talking about is a trachea!!!! If your shocked then I am sure you can only imagine my shock. She said that if what he sees is something that wont heal in the next 4-8 weeks than surgery will be the answer. So three things that could happen that we know of

1-They find nothing and we do just need more time

2-They find that he just has a narrow airway. They would do surgery and basically put a stint in to widen his airway. They would go in through his neck just like trachea surgery.

3-They find that he has scar tissue built up or a crazy amount of inflammation and they would do put a trachea in. The scar tissue would be from his heart surgery and him being on the ventilator for such a long time.

This will be Carters first time out of the NICU. Something about the OR room and my 3 month old son makes me sick.

I was not prepared for this at all. So somehow in the next 20 hours I am going to have to figure out a way to deal with it all. The thought of Carter being put through all this makes me so sad. He is still so tiny. We are glad that we will get answers tomorrow and that if he does need a trachea we are finding out tomorrow instead 6-8 weeks down the road. I asked the doctor about the longevity of the trachea and she said that it all depends on how long he would require ventilator support (they would hook it up to his trachea) and how long it takes for his airway to heal. Could take 3 months could take 2 years. My mind is going crazy thinking about the possibility of doing trachea care myself, nurses living in our home 24 hours a day, how will this effect Boston, what are long term side effects for Carter, and everything else you could think of. Wish us luck. I will try to update tomorrow.

Answers

Today we were supposed to get answers. We didn't.

We have been told for the past two weeks that today an ENT would come and take anywhere from 30-45 minutes and scope out Carter while he was on CPAP to figure out exactly why he wasn't lasting off the ventilator. When we got to the hospital our nurse Susan who is my absolute favorite had his IV line ready and was just waiting to hear back from the ENT to see when he would arrive. The respiratory team got ready to ext abate Carter and was just waiting also. We finally heard from the ENT that he would be there in ten so go to go ahead and take him off the ventilator. They ext abated Carter and put him on CPAP









He was doing surprisingly well. His heart rate was great and his saturation levels were awesome. Dr. Rone the ENT came in with a little cord that had a magnifying glass on the end. He put it down his throat and looked around for about two minutes. He came out and said it looks like he might have some swelling in his airway, his left vocal cord seems to be weaker than his right, and he may have some lung issues...... The whole time we are thinking duh we have known that these might be the issue/issues for the past three months. He goes on to say that he isn't too optimistic that he will last on CPAP and if he doesn't we will give him some time to recover (carters recovery time the last three times after a CPAP trial has usually been around a week and a half) and take him to the OR and sedate him so we can get an exact picture of what is going on.....meanwhile we are thinking hello this is what we were supposed to do today.
During this time Carter continued to do really really well on CPAP. The respiratory therapist noticed that Carter needed a size bigger nasal canula so he switched him out. It wasn't the smoothest transition and from here things went south and long story short Carter is back on the ventilator. We were pretty upset that the RT messed with him when he was doing so well. We know that if he was that sensitive he obviously wasn't going to last anyways, but we are sure that he would have lasted longer. The most frustrating part in all this is when we talked to the doctor (happened to be some doctor we have never met before annoying) after and told here what we were told was going to happen today with the scope she said yeah I thought he was supposed to do that too..... Why the heck didn't she say anything!!!

So the plan now it to let Carter recover and then when he is stable again we will take him to the OR and do the scope the way it was supposed to be done today. I hate when doctors try to cover up mistakes by playing dumb. We had a lot of that going on today. Let's just say we can't wait for Dr. Santiago to get back. Please pray that this won't set Carter back too much and that he will continue to react positively to the steroids and we can get in to scope soon.

Can't not mention that Travis is awesome. When things like this happen I tend to just get upset and only vent to him not the doctors. He didn't hold back. He let the doctor know exactly what we thought. If I remember right he said something to the effect "I know we all make human mistakes was this one?" she did not know what to say which pretty much answered his question. Ahhhh!

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Listen

Boston and I had this conversation this morning...

Boston- "mom did Carter get that tube out of his mouth yet?"
Me- "no not yet"
Boston- "he needs to get that out"
Me- "I know that's what I keep telling him"
Boston- "is he not listening?"
Me- "no but he's trying"
Boston- "ok I will pray that he listens"

The doctor will be here either around noon or five. I will keep you posted. Keep praying.


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Just some thoughts

Choose faith over doubt, choose faith over fear, choose faith over the unknown and the unseen, and choose faith over pessimism. -Richard C. Edgley

I wish I could say that I was choosing faith, but fear and the unknown have definitely gotten the best of me as of late. I think I had a little break through over the weekend. I was at Walmart getting some groceries and I saw one of my nurses from when I was on bed rest. Actually the one that gave me bed baths (insert awkward here). She asked how I was doing and with a very hesitant face she asked if the baby made it. Later that night I was talking with one of our nurses and she was telling me how pretty much every baby after 26 weeks gestational makes it. Before that they end up loosing quite a few. I know that to be true I have seen three moms loose their babies during all this. I came home that night and finally let it go. I accepted that the fact that Carter is here and doing well is a miracle and blessing enough for me. I know that every single one of those Mom's that lost their babies would die to have their baby here. Trachea or no trachea. I realized that even if Carter does have to get a trachea it IS a miracle that they can do that and make it possible for my little boy to breathe on his own. We have been SO blessed during all this that I can't let fear and doubt and the unknown get in the way of the absolute blessing that Carter is to us.
Am I saying that I am ok with the fact that he might have to get a trachea? No, but I feel that if he does I will be able to get there. Thank you everyone for your continued support and prayers we feel them daily. Especially thank you for your faith I have been hanging on yours when mine has been weak.

Update-

Carter is doing well. The ENT moved his appointment to Monday because he will be out of town. Carter has been climbing a little in the wrong direction this last week with his vent and oxygen settings so we are totally fine to give him another four days to catch up. They have been working hard to beef him up and help him grow this past week. They are now giving him a high calorie formula for half his feeding and then adding calories to my breast milk the other half. It's working. He now weighs 6 pounds 9.6 ounces. They will give him a heavy dose of steroids on Saturday and Sunday to help with inflammation in is airway and to help with his lungs. They have also been doing breathing treatments and CPT (basically a vibrating massage on his back or chest) every six hours so help clear out the junk in his lungs. I don't know if I mentioned it or not, but the last time they ext abated him one of his lungs collapsed and a bunch of fluid built up in them. The treatments have been helping his lungs. He has had a lot of secretions which in this case is good because it means he is working it out.

Our Ward and Family are doing a fast on Carter's behalf this Sunday. If you can and are able to we invite you to join. We are hoping that best case he is able to get off the vent and if not that he is able to stay off long enough for the ENT to get a good look at what is going on inside.

Thank you, Thank you, and Thank you.

I choose faith because I know that faith brings miracles and boy are we hoping for a miracle.

This Boy...

Is absolutely amazing! I love him more than ever! He has been such an angel as of late. He has the sweetest spirit and reminds me daily of all we have to be thankful for. He loves his little Brother so much and talks about him all day every day. Some of my favorites

-"Mom did you make Carter all better yet?"

-While looking at trains "Mom Carter will like this one lets get it for him"

-When asking for his usual Juice and snack this morning he said "I can't wait to have juice and snacks with my Brother"

-"Mom I need my Brother to make me happy"

-"Carter will like this" said about everything he likes

- "P.U. stinky carter" said every time he goes #2

-My favorite "Mom I will ask Heavenly Father to make carter all better so he can come home"

I love him so much. He really has been such a good boy lately which has made things a lot easier with how stressed we have been.

What is it about seeing your kids sleep that makes you absolutely crazy about them? Boston has decided that somedays he doesn't need naps. Without fail 3:30 rolls around and he is sure to be passed out on the couch. I LOVE it!

Make it a Happy Day

Every time I have gone to see Trav's Grandma Barraclough she always told me to "Make it a happy day". I have never tried harder in my entire life to make each day a happy day as I am now.

Grandma Barraclough passed away on February 18, 2011 at 95 years old. I always joked that Grandma didn't like me for reasons like her sending all the kids in the family $20 for their birthday and I only got $10 or whenever I would call her our conversations would go something to this effect Me: Hi Grandma how are you? Grandma: Is Travis home? Me: No he is at school/work Grandma: O ok well why don't you call back when Travis gets home. Hang up. Grandma never said goodbye on the phone. Even though we joke about things like this I know without a doubt Grandma loved me and boy did she love Trav. I have never met a women that defines service more than Grandma did. She is absolutely an amazing person and has made me want to be a better person. I will miss her birthday, halloween, Christmas, and valentines cards. She never missed sending them to every single grandchild and great grandchild. We love you Gandma and miss you, but we know you were ready and had so many people waiting for you. I will never forget that you and my sweet Carter share a Birthday. What a special day December 11th will always be for me.