Just some thoughts

Choose faith over doubt, choose faith over fear, choose faith over the unknown and the unseen, and choose faith over pessimism. -Richard C. Edgley

I wish I could say that I was choosing faith, but fear and the unknown have definitely gotten the best of me as of late. I think I had a little break through over the weekend. I was at Walmart getting some groceries and I saw one of my nurses from when I was on bed rest. Actually the one that gave me bed baths (insert awkward here). She asked how I was doing and with a very hesitant face she asked if the baby made it. Later that night I was talking with one of our nurses and she was telling me how pretty much every baby after 26 weeks gestational makes it. Before that they end up loosing quite a few. I know that to be true I have seen three moms loose their babies during all this. I came home that night and finally let it go. I accepted that the fact that Carter is here and doing well is a miracle and blessing enough for me. I know that every single one of those Mom's that lost their babies would die to have their baby here. Trachea or no trachea. I realized that even if Carter does have to get a trachea it IS a miracle that they can do that and make it possible for my little boy to breathe on his own. We have been SO blessed during all this that I can't let fear and doubt and the unknown get in the way of the absolute blessing that Carter is to us.
Am I saying that I am ok with the fact that he might have to get a trachea? No, but I feel that if he does I will be able to get there. Thank you everyone for your continued support and prayers we feel them daily. Especially thank you for your faith I have been hanging on yours when mine has been weak.

Update-

Carter is doing well. The ENT moved his appointment to Monday because he will be out of town. Carter has been climbing a little in the wrong direction this last week with his vent and oxygen settings so we are totally fine to give him another four days to catch up. They have been working hard to beef him up and help him grow this past week. They are now giving him a high calorie formula for half his feeding and then adding calories to my breast milk the other half. It's working. He now weighs 6 pounds 9.6 ounces. They will give him a heavy dose of steroids on Saturday and Sunday to help with inflammation in is airway and to help with his lungs. They have also been doing breathing treatments and CPT (basically a vibrating massage on his back or chest) every six hours so help clear out the junk in his lungs. I don't know if I mentioned it or not, but the last time they ext abated him one of his lungs collapsed and a bunch of fluid built up in them. The treatments have been helping his lungs. He has had a lot of secretions which in this case is good because it means he is working it out.

Our Ward and Family are doing a fast on Carter's behalf this Sunday. If you can and are able to we invite you to join. We are hoping that best case he is able to get off the vent and if not that he is able to stay off long enough for the ENT to get a good look at what is going on inside.

Thank you, Thank you, and Thank you.

I choose faith because I know that faith brings miracles and boy are we hoping for a miracle.