I have been in a funk lately. Not sure what really triggered it, but I was having a hard time bringing myself out of it. I was having a hard time with the fact the since Carter has been home we really haven't made much improvement on his feeding and it is SO tiring and VERY frustrating trying multiple times a day to feed him and sometimes only getting a couple drops in his mouth. We would have random feedings where he would do so great and I would feel like we were making headway only for it to be smashed the next day. We have bought every bottle and sippy cup under the sun and nothing seemed to make a difference really. The daily trips to therapy were starting to get to me. I was putting so much pressure on myself for all his developmental progress or what it thought was the lack thereof. I felt like I couldn't keep up on my house. I am antsy about this whole dilation process and if it will be successful. Overall I was just in a major funk. I pray for improvements in the areas multiple times a day and felt like nothing was getting better.
Well over the past week I was reminded over and over again that my prayers are being heard and answered. Let me share the ways.
One day we were at the sand park and a total stranger came up to me and said it was so good to see a trach baby out and about. She said that parents of trach babies really never take them out and it ends up hurting them in the long run. She said she was proud of us for trying to make things "normal" in something that is totally not normal at all. Come to find out she worked for Children's hospital and yep she made me cry. (note to self always always compliment parents who are living outside the "norm")
At physical therapy it was time to set his new 6 month goals. When she mentioned things like crawling, cruising furniture, bringing himself up to sitting from laying I got a little overwhelmed those all seem so far out there. Miss Lindsay reminded me where we were six months ago and how I thought things like sitting, reaching above his head, lifting his head to a 90 degree angle, bearing weight on his legs, all seemed unreachable. I get so caught up sometimes in the whole "my baby is 16 months old and barely moves" thing that I forget how MUCH progress he has made. I sure can't wait for him to get moving. He is ready and wants it and 16 months is a LONG time to wait for it.
Ever since Carter's dilation he has been eating like a champ! A major milestone was completing an entire jar of baby food. It took him a whole to do it, but we sure were proud. Before we would maybe get a couple bites in a day and would always have to throw away the food before it would go bad. He is still very aversive to food and puts up a fight, but holy smokes MAJOR progress.
Random shoe sales person at Nordstrom was asking about his trach (love it when people ask, bugs when they just stare and stare) and I gave him a very brief description of his life. He reminded me that "nothing else matters he is here". I know this, but for some reason it made perfect sense coming from a stranger.
Carter is a moving boy. He is not on the move, but just over all he is just moving more. He finally decided that rolling from back to stomach was not the worst thing ever and is enjoying the freedom it brings him. We are loving looking over to find him in a new place in the family room.
He has been off oxygen for 4 days AND nights in a row. Something he has never done or even been close to doing.
Not to mention the constant love and support and encouragement we feel from family.
I felt like telling Heavenly Father ok ok I get it we are beyond blessed and I see it now. I am so glad that my eyes have been opened and I am back in to the mode of realizing the MANY miracles that we are blessed with daily. I love my family more than anything! My boys, all three of them are such a source of strength to me. Especially Travis, I tell you what that man is incredible! I don't know how he does all he does and so well. I definitely came out on top with him by side and know how blessed I am to have him.
*Sometimes when Boston is crying for no apparent reason we ask him if he just needed to get a good cry out. Apparently I just needed to get a good blog out. Sheesh