A Letter

Dear Carter,

Today you are one week and one day old. This last week sure has been a crazy one. The last couple of days have been quite the roller coaster. On Wednesday I came in to be with you and noticed that you were very pale and not moving much at all. They decided to take you off the c-papp and put you back on the ventilator to see if that helped. Later in the day they found a murmur in your heart. They had an echocardiogram taken and found that you had a hole in your heart. They also found that you aren't able to produce red blood cells quick enough for the amount of blood that they draw each day from you. So they decided to give you a blood transfusion. When Daddy and I came back that night you looked so much better and were nice and pink. We decided to give you a round of medication that would hopefully help close up the hole in your heart. We are able to do three rounds and if it doesn't work then they will have to go in and do surgery. After the first round they said that they weren't able to hear the murmur anymore we were so excited. The next day Dr. Perez said that they could hear the murmur again and would be doing another echocardiogram. After the result came back they found that your hole was opening and closing. The Doctor said that we were going to hold off on doing another round to see what your heart was going to do on its own. Since the day you were born they have had a IV in your umbilical cord that has been the main line they use. We can only use that line for 7-10 days and then we have to do a picc line. Basically a picc line is a long term IV that we will use for as long as we can. It goes all the way up your arm and down around your heart. They have to sedate you completely to do the procedure with it being so close to your heart. Daddy and I were a little sad that they weren't able to get the line in the first time. It was so hard to see you so out of it. They are going to try again today. We are praying that the Doctors will be able to get it this time. Not only is it hard to see you sedated, but it also sets you back on your oxygen levels. You are such a fighter and we are so very proud of you.

This week has been kinda a trial week for our family. We have been trying to figure out a schedule that works for everyone. We found out that it definitely is not good for Mom to spend the entire day down there. Way too hard on your Brother and it is too much for Mom when we aren't able to really do anything with you at all. I am really looking forward to the time when I can drive again and have the freedom to come and go. Your big brother has been asking Mom and Dad since we first told him we were pregnant with you if we could go get you a snuggly. You will learn very quickly how much your brother loves his snuggly's. Of course if we were going to get you a snuggly we had to get him a new one too. He chose a white and grey striped zebra for you and a white with grey dots dog for him. I am not sure if we are going to actually be able to ever give you your zebra because your brother has taken complete control of it leaving him with four snugglys now. Daddy and I have been wondering if your brother really understands that you are actually here. Well last night it was very apparent that he understood a lot more than we thought he did. We went to the hospital to see you. Dad took his turn and when Mom went in he snuck in the NICU doors and took of running straight to your bed yelling "Carter Carter". Two nurses ran in after him and Mom caught him before he made it to you. I secretly wish that he had made it and got to see you. I absolutely breaks my heart that he hasn't met you yet. I am pretty sure his heart is a little broken about it too.



I think it's safe to say that you are a Daddy's boy. Whenever Daddy is there visiting, you always wake up and just stare at him. You must really like the songs and stories he tells you better than mine. I don't blame you he is way better at that than I am. Daddy got to touch you for the first time this week. He was so nervous, but when you squeezed his hand it instantly made him so happy.


I can't wait until we can hold you. I don't know when that will be, but i know how much I love just holding your hand and can't imagine how great it will be to hold you. I don't know if I told you or not, but you have a full head of dark hair. I am still kinda shocked by it, but absolutely love it! You have been given a couple nick names by your nurses. Stacy (Mom's Favorite) named you the Karate Kid, because you are always swinging your arms. Another named you perma scowl,

because you always pull your forehead down and scowl when they come in and bug you. Don't worry I would scowl too. I have started calling you Twitch, because you twitch so much and I remember feeling every little twitch when you were in my tummy. We sure love you buddy and are so proud of you. Keep fighting. Things seem to change every hour in the NICU, but we are glad that there has been more good than bad.

This is what I do all day when I am with you.

Sure do love you, Mom