Words can't describe

This moment...

To be honest I was so nervous at first. All the transferring of wires, tubes, machines, and what not got me a little stressed. After I relaxed I enjoyed three hours of bliss. I can't believe how tiny he is. I absolutely loved holding him and inspecting his head (still can't get over the dark hair I love it), little hands and fingernails, his eyelashes, his scars from heart surgery, his little feet, and absolutely everything about him. It was the first time in his three weeks of life that I got an up close and personal look at my boy. He really is a miracle everything is so perfect. I am one very happy/blessed Momma today.

People are always shocked that he was 14 inches long at birth. Here he is all stretched out to show off his long limbs.

So dang cute

How cute are Carters little hands in this picture? They actually aren't that little I guess compared to the rest of him. He has big hands like Daddy and Brother. Carter continues to do very well. They have gone down on his vent settings each day. His chest x-rays kook great and he is tolerating his feedings great. Yesterday he weighed the most he has since birth 2 pounds 3.6 ounces. The day before he was 1 pound 15 ounces so we were shocked. The weight mostly came from the two blood transfusions. He will continue to fluctuate over the next couple days, but after that hopefully it will just be up.

Santa

Both boys got to see Santa this year. Boston was beyond excited, Carter could gave cared less. Ha. There are no real pictures of Boston with Santa, because there is no way I am going to pay fifteen bucks for a single picture. He wasn't nervous at all to go up and see the big guy. He told him he was a good boy and he wanted a scooter. A local fire station sent in some guys to come see all the babies in the NICU an give them a little present. Boston thought Carters pooh bear was pretty cool.

Update

Carter is doing pretty well today. His oxygen levels have been between 32-45. Dr. Santiago said they usually do really well the first couple hours after surgery and then everything starts to settle in. The next couple days will be pretty rough on Carter. We are anxious to have them behind us and start moving forward. He had two blood transfusions today and hopefully wont need them anymore. The nurses said they wouldn't be surprised if he was able to start eating again tomorrow since he has been pretty stable. I don't know if I mentioned or not that last week he had his big head scan and they found that he had a level two brain bleed. He had another scan today to check on it and there was kinda a mixed report that is might have spread a little on the right side, but then the other end of the report said that it looked as though it was improving. Needless to say we are anxious for next weeks report to find out what is going on.

I got my tube taken out today. Weirdest/sickest feeling ever. Boston is so excited that Mommies owies are all gone and that I can run fast now. I am just excited to finally be able to take a bath again and relax.

Carter's Heart Surgery

Little man before surgery. Mommy got lots of touch time with Carter. Thanks Dr. Santiago. He told me it was because Carter Sat's better when we are touching him, but I think it is because he knew I needed that time with my boy.

Today we are going in to do surgery on Carter's heart to close up the PDA. I am going try and update everything on here today as the surgery progresses. Please pray for our little guy and the doctors.

2:00- Dr. Santiago is worried that his vien's won't hold up during surgery and for everything after. He suggest trying to get in a picc line again. If they aren't successful getting it in they will have to surgically insert one. They will make an incision in his neck and chest. We really hope they can get the picc line in so that Carter doesn't have to have more scars.

2:45- Dr. Santiago wasn't able to get the picc line in. They will surgically insert the iv during heart surgery which is scheduled for 4:00 pm.

3:00- Going back in to be with my boy before surgery. He looks great and held his Sats well during and after the picc line trial. He has been sucking on his feeding tube like crazy today. He must be so hungry going without food today and the next couple days.

5:15- The surgeon finally got here and they are going to begin surgery. The Broviac (iv tube) and heart surgery will take about 45 minutes total. Dr. Roughneen will be doing the surgery. He is the sweetest Scottish guy ever. Ashley is his nurse today I love her. Ashley said it is a good thing we are doing surgery today because he is starting to sat all over the place. He can be on the same oxygen level and sat in the low 40's when the PDA opens and then jump to sat up to 100 when it closes and it doesn't matter what settings they put him on he has to do it on his own and it is very nerve racking waiting for him to jump back up. I need to pump really bad, but that will have to wait until this is all over. Good luck Carter we sure love you.

All the Doctors and Nurses right before surgery. They did it all at his bedside so that they don't have to move him. It was pretty crazy watching them get everything sterile and ready for surgery.

6:02-
I am going crazy out here. It has been 45 minutes and haven't heard a thing. Ahhhhh!!!

6:45-
Hour and a half still no word. Making me very nervous. Keep fighting Carter.

6:50-
Dr. Finally came out. Everything went great. He held his blood pressure really well. All doctors were very pleased with how it went and said he did better than they expected. The PDA ended up being bigger than they thought so they said in a couple days he should be doing a lot better than he was before. Thank you Heavenly Father. They said he is nice and relaxed due to the muscle relaxer they gave him. Carter you are such a fighter and make mommy so proud.

10:00-
We are all home and beyond tired. Boston had a great day playing with Rene' in his words "it was so so so much funny Mommy. You should see me" Carter did very well after surgery his oxygen levels were back at room air (21%). Trav and I were totally shocked by this because we haven't seen his level in the 20's for over a week. Way to go Carter you are such a fighter.

Little Carter after surgery. Completely knocked out and doing great. The tube on his right side is the Broviac tube. His heart surgery was done on his back on the left side. I love this little peanut so much and feel so blessed to be his Mommy.

The power of Prayer is real. Thank you everyone for your love, thoughts, and prayers. We feel blessed beyond measure and have been so humbled by this whole experience. We hope to someday return the favor to all of you. Our Heavenly Father has been so close to us through all this and we know that because of our Savior Jesus Christ we will be able to get through this no matter what is in store for us. We love you all.

The last week

Cant believe it's been a week since I last updated. To say this past week has been a little crazy is an understatement. I don't really remember what all happened So I will just update what we are all doing.



(cute little hairy boy sucking on his bink)

Carter-
He has had a pretty good week. Things have been stable, but not progressing. We never ended up doing the picc line because he started to eat alot moreand they thought they could do without it. He is up to full feeds 15ml or half an ounce. He tolerates them really well and is able to digest things great. His heart/pda has been slowly digressing back to where it was before the first round of medication. He has been swinging all over the place on his oxygen levels. The doctor thinks this is do to his PDA. He also started to cough up blood in his ventilator. They were worried that it might be a pulmonary hemmorage, but thankfully his x-rays have shown that it isn't. They are not sure why he is bleeding, but think it is either from irritation from the ventilator or there is a small tear in his throat that might have come from when they had to put a new tube in.
The plan going forward is to do heart surgery tomorrow to close up the hole in his heart. We are so nervous for this, but ready to do it because it isn't allowing him to progress. They will have to completely cut off his feedings for a couple days so hopefully he will tolerate them as well after the surgery as he does now. They said the first couple days after the surgery can be very difficult for him. The doctor told us it will definitely set us back, but will hopefully help him spring forward. Please pray for our little guy and the doctors.






(dad really is your favorite)


(tugging on your vent. Dad and I thought you actually looked a little chubby in this picture. As chubby as a two pounder can look)


(you always manage to kick your legs out and relax. Boston did that when he was in the NICU too)

Boston-
What can I say, but this little guy keeps us laughing. He definitely knows how to make us smile when times are tuff. Speaking of tuff, Boston can be really tuff these days. Poor little guy is so confused. We feel so bad for him and wish we could help him make sense of all this. Some things that always make him happy are donut runs with dad, his bike and scooter, Rene' days (my friend that watches him he LOVES her)



(Boston is a sprikles only kinda donut boy)

Trav-
Somehow he is still able to be superman. I don't know how he does it, but he does it well. It was so nice to have him home for a long weekend. Poor guy is crazy busy this time of year at work trying to get in all the year end stuff. I know feel torn wanting to be two places I can't imagine how he feels being gone all day. I love him so much he is my rock. There is no way I could make it through this without him.

Me-
This past week was pretty crazy. I was still pretty annoyed that I wasn't healing as fast. On Wednesday I was in with Carter and it hurt so bad to stand up that I decided I would just walk over to my Doctors and have him check it out. They took me right back and found that I had a cyst that ruptured on my ovary. They were concerned that I might have appendicitis also and told me to come bad Thursday morning to check on it. That night we took Boston to see Santa and I was not feeling very good at all. Later that night I started to throw up and felt awful. I had cold sweats all night and was anxious to go to the doctor to figure it out. We went back in on Thursday morning and he sent me down to the ER to get a CT scan and figure out what was up. Long story short I ended up having surgery to remove some infection from the cyst, infection from an abses on my appendix and a hematoma. When all was said and done it was Thursday evening and tomorrow was Christmas eve. My doctor told me that I would be in the hospital 48-72 hours. I told him that one of the bright sides of me being out of the hospital was that I could spend Christmas at home with my family so he better figure out how to get me out of here tomorrow. Christmas eve came and I was in quite a bit of pain, but feeling great otherwise. My doctor came in and checked me out and said do you want to go home? I started to cry and said c-ya. At this point it wasn't even 24 hours after surgery and I could not be happier to be home. The first couple days after I was pretty sore, but now I feel better than I did before the surgery. I get my drain out on Tuesday and then hopefully I will be all done with me and the hospital.

MY DEAR TERESA

Dear Teresa

As I sit daily watching you do all that you do I am so amazed. I try so hard to lesson your burdens each day but you just seem to press on. You are such a fighter. Our Heavenly Father has really blessed us with you in our lives. You have really taught all of us what the true meaning of Having Faith is. I have never met anyone that is so positive as you are. You take each day as if this is going to be the best day ever. Even when you know it is going to be a tough one. I know it is hard to spread your self so thin. But you always seem to make it work buy giving of your self and love to Boston, Travis and our little Carter. They are so lucky to have you for a mom and wife. But I am even more lucky to have you as my daughter.

Last night as Travis and I were visiting Carter I said look he really knows Grandma D is here. Travis said good try he opens his eyes every time I am here. I let Travis know that he does open his eyes when I come and know one else is here. I like to think that he really does know his Grandma when I come in the room. He is truly a sweet spirit of our heavenly Father. The is a reason he is here. He has a great purpose on this earth. I know it and we all know it cuz he is such a fighter and wants to get out and see what the world is all about. I love him so much and am so grateful that I am able to be here by his side, by your side and Travis and Boston's side too. Know that I love you so much and will be with you every step of the way. Know that you don't even have to ask because I will already be there waiting to go and do what ever you need to do. Please Teresa don't think for a minute you have to do it all. I am here, Travis parents are here and so are so many friends. We all love you and will be here for you through prays, phone calls, visits what ever your need is.

Thank you for being the daughter you are to me and for all you have taught me as you go through your trails in life. I love you so much!

Love,

Mom

XOXOXO

A Letter

Dear Carter,

Today you are one week and one day old. This last week sure has been a crazy one. The last couple of days have been quite the roller coaster. On Wednesday I came in to be with you and noticed that you were very pale and not moving much at all. They decided to take you off the c-papp and put you back on the ventilator to see if that helped. Later in the day they found a murmur in your heart. They had an echocardiogram taken and found that you had a hole in your heart. They also found that you aren't able to produce red blood cells quick enough for the amount of blood that they draw each day from you. So they decided to give you a blood transfusion. When Daddy and I came back that night you looked so much better and were nice and pink. We decided to give you a round of medication that would hopefully help close up the hole in your heart. We are able to do three rounds and if it doesn't work then they will have to go in and do surgery. After the first round they said that they weren't able to hear the murmur anymore we were so excited. The next day Dr. Perez said that they could hear the murmur again and would be doing another echocardiogram. After the result came back they found that your hole was opening and closing. The Doctor said that we were going to hold off on doing another round to see what your heart was going to do on its own. Since the day you were born they have had a IV in your umbilical cord that has been the main line they use. We can only use that line for 7-10 days and then we have to do a picc line. Basically a picc line is a long term IV that we will use for as long as we can. It goes all the way up your arm and down around your heart. They have to sedate you completely to do the procedure with it being so close to your heart. Daddy and I were a little sad that they weren't able to get the line in the first time. It was so hard to see you so out of it. They are going to try again today. We are praying that the Doctors will be able to get it this time. Not only is it hard to see you sedated, but it also sets you back on your oxygen levels. You are such a fighter and we are so very proud of you.

This week has been kinda a trial week for our family. We have been trying to figure out a schedule that works for everyone. We found out that it definitely is not good for Mom to spend the entire day down there. Way too hard on your Brother and it is too much for Mom when we aren't able to really do anything with you at all. I am really looking forward to the time when I can drive again and have the freedom to come and go. Your big brother has been asking Mom and Dad since we first told him we were pregnant with you if we could go get you a snuggly. You will learn very quickly how much your brother loves his snuggly's. Of course if we were going to get you a snuggly we had to get him a new one too. He chose a white and grey striped zebra for you and a white with grey dots dog for him. I am not sure if we are going to actually be able to ever give you your zebra because your brother has taken complete control of it leaving him with four snugglys now. Daddy and I have been wondering if your brother really understands that you are actually here. Well last night it was very apparent that he understood a lot more than we thought he did. We went to the hospital to see you. Dad took his turn and when Mom went in he snuck in the NICU doors and took of running straight to your bed yelling "Carter Carter". Two nurses ran in after him and Mom caught him before he made it to you. I secretly wish that he had made it and got to see you. I absolutely breaks my heart that he hasn't met you yet. I am pretty sure his heart is a little broken about it too.



I think it's safe to say that you are a Daddy's boy. Whenever Daddy is there visiting, you always wake up and just stare at him. You must really like the songs and stories he tells you better than mine. I don't blame you he is way better at that than I am. Daddy got to touch you for the first time this week. He was so nervous, but when you squeezed his hand it instantly made him so happy.


I can't wait until we can hold you. I don't know when that will be, but i know how much I love just holding your hand and can't imagine how great it will be to hold you. I don't know if I told you or not, but you have a full head of dark hair. I am still kinda shocked by it, but absolutely love it! You have been given a couple nick names by your nurses. Stacy (Mom's Favorite) named you the Karate Kid, because you are always swinging your arms. Another named you perma scowl,

because you always pull your forehead down and scowl when they come in and bug you. Don't worry I would scowl too. I have started calling you Twitch, because you twitch so much and I remember feeling every little twitch when you were in my tummy. We sure love you buddy and are so proud of you. Keep fighting. Things seem to change every hour in the NICU, but we are glad that there has been more good than bad.

This is what I do all day when I am with you.

Sure do love you, Mom

The last couple days

I think I have started this post about 4 times and have never finished it. Where to begin it has been quite the roller coaster. I don't think that my brain will allow me to do a normal post so I will just list some things that I want to remember.

- Carter was taken off the ventilator on Monday and put on the C-pap nasal canula. This was a big step and one that seemed too good to be true.
- Today he was put back on the ventilator, because he was very pale and didn't have much movement. He also was having a hard time getting the oxygen to all parts of his body. He has done a lot better being back on the vent and they have given him some medicine called Bicard to help him distribute the oxygen better. He is breathing at 21% which is room air.
- When he was first admitted to the NICU he had very low blood pressure. Within 32 hours of being on medication it was back to normal and he has been able to hold it better.
- He also had high blood sugar and with medication he was back to normal within 42 hours.
- His feeding has been all over the place. First they started him on 2 ml every four hours and then they bumped it up to every three hours. Then he started to spit up and wasn't handling them as well so they lowered him to 1 ml every three hours. Tonight they stopped his feedings completely due to some medication he is on.
-They are concerned he might have some sort of infection so they have started him on antibiotics.
-They noticed today that he had a heart murmur so they did an echocardiogram. The results came back that he has a hole in his heart. They started him on medication tonight and will do it for three days. After-which they will do another echo to see if it has closed. If it hasn't they can do one more round of the medication and if it doesn't work again we will talk about surgery.
-He peed and pooped on me once when I was changing his diaper. I loved it. It almost felt normal.
-He is still on the billy lights, but they hope within the next couple days he will be off them.
-I heard him cry for the first time yesterday. It was only about 3 seconds, but the cutest thing ever. We wont be hearing any crying for a while because on the vent you cant hear any noise he makes due to it being down his throat.
-It feels like they are poking and prodding him all day long. Breaks my heart.
-He looked very sick today. He is getting so skinny. Today he weighed 1 pound 13.6 ounces.

As for the rest of us we are hanging in there. Boston has been a little champ and doing so great at going potty again. I got discharged yesterday and he has loved having me home. I am pretty sure he would ride his bike all day long if we let him. I was so excited to get out of the hospital, but the second I walked out the doors I wanted to run right back in and be with Carter. I am pretty much an emotional wreck. On the verge of tears all day long. I wish there were two of me so I could be with both my babies all day. I cry about good and bad news with carter. I cry when Boston says cute things. Like the time he climbed in Carters crib and told me that when Carter comes home he is going to hold him and sing to him in his bed. He them proceeded to sing I love to see the temple and told me he was going to tell him we will be a family forever. I cry because I am so sore from my C-section and not healing as fast as I did with Boston. My Doctor keeps reminding me that is was a violent one due to the situation. I just want to be able to move normal and play with Boston. I cry because I am so tired and I wish that when I was getting up at night to pump I was actually able to feed Carter. I cry because Trav is so amazing and I love him more than I knew was possible. Trav somehow is being super man. He works so hard and so long, but still manages to be the most amazing Dad and Husband ever! I can't believe all that everyone has done for us from food, gas cards, rides to the hospital, watching Boston, cleaning our house, and so much more. It really is so overwhelming and we are so grateful. To say we wish we could fast forward a couple months might be an understatement. I sure do love my family and am so blessed to have them. I can't imagine going through this without them and especially with out our Heavenly Father. We feel him so close and even though this is the hardest thing we have ever gone through he still is able to comfort us.

Carter's Labor Story

On Saturday December 11th I woke up and went to go to the bathroom and found that was bleeding. I called my nurse and she got me hooked up to the monitors the check for contractions and monitor Carter's heart rate. After about twenty minutes I stared having contractions about five to seven minutes apart. They gave me a shot to stop the contractions and told me if this was true labor the contractions would stop and not come back. They did stop for about forty minutes and then came back really strong. By this time my Doctor had gotten there and decided to transfer me over to labor and delivery just in case. Mean while my contractions were getting very strong and killed! My Doctor was trying to get ahold of Doctor Albert my specialist to have him come give his opinion. Meanwhile they were able to get my Doctor an ultrasound machine so he could get a better look at what was going on. After looking at the ultra sound for a minute he said there was no need for Doctor Albert to come because my water bag was bulging and would break any time. They started to prepare me for delivery. By this time my contractions were very strong and I had a huge head ache, because they had my bed tilted so far down to pull gravity away from my cervix. I was ready to go and they had brought in all Travs garb for him to get ready. They said they would be back to get him in a couple minutes after I had received my epidural.



The next part was kinda a blur. I got rolled into the operating room and they rolled my on my side to transfer me over to the table. The second they lifted me up I felt a huge gush and knew my water had broken. This was not good because it meant they had a matter of minutes to get Carter out, which also meant no epidural. They quickly gave me a general anesthesia and the last thing I remember was asking if Trav would be there and my Doctor running in the room saying "ok everyone we have got to run like the wind with this one"

Meanwhile a nurse had come into to tell Trav that my water had broke and they would come get him in a couple minutes. They did come get him, but it wasn't to be with me during surgery it was to walk with Carter down to the NICU. My nurse Misty who I absolutely loved told me that from the time I entered the operating room till the time Trav was taking Carter to the NICU was only seven minutes. Just a little crazy! I then went back to my room to recover and just like with Boston about an hour after my C-section I was able to feel all the pain and holy cow it kills!!!






was able to be with Carter who was doing surprisingly well. He had low blood pressure, high blood sugar, and obviously needed help breathing. I had no idea what to expect when I saw him. I didn't know what his skin would look like, how little he would be and what not. I was totally shocked when I was finally able to see him that he was pink (and some purple due to bruising) and couldn't get over the little details of his fingernails, that he had hair, how active he was, and how perfect he was. I was crazy about him the second I saw him.






Carter is doing so well. The first day his blood pressure was low and his blood sugar was high. He also required a ventilator for his breathing. By this morning he was off his blood pressure and was breathing room air. He is still on the ventilator, but not requiring extra oxygen to breath. They expect that he will be taken off the ventilator in the next day or two and put on just a regular nasal canula. We are so grateful that he has had such a good start, because we know that we still have a long road ahead of us and there will always be set backs along the way. It feels good to have a good start and gives us a lot of faith for the times that will surely be hard on the road ahead.



This picture shows you how small he really is.

They said he will probably be in the NICU until my original due date so March 25th. Due to it being RSV season Boston isn't allowed back there so we are hoping that when Carter gets bigger and stronger we will maybe be able to somehow let him see him. Breaks my heart that they wouldn't be able to meet until Carter came home. They let me touch him today which was heaven and they said hopefully in the next week or two Trav and I would get to hold him so he could have some skin to skin contact with us. I was totally shocked that it could be so soon and am beyond excited about the thought of holding my little guy. Thanks again for your prayers. Keep them coming.

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Our Miracle Boy

Carter Travis Wilson
2 pounds 2.2 ounces
14 inches long
Born 12/11/10 @ 11:54 am



Carter is doing great considering. He has a LONG road ahead of him. We would love to have him and our family included in your prayers.



Mom is doing great. Doesn't suggest getting a c-section without and epidural. Pretty sure Carter is the most beautiful baby ever and totally shocked that he looks so well. We love you all.


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25 Weeks!!!

Starting the count for another week. Today was another good day. I got a new room today which is was so excited about. My last room was kinda tight when Trav and Boston came in and the worst part was that out the window I couldn't even see the sky. I had a lovely view of the hospital wall. In my new room I can see the sky and trees and some life outside of this place. Crazy the simple things that make me happy these days. Seriously I was going crazy thinking about not even breathing fresh air for who knows how long and the fact that I couldn't even see it was worse. No worries now I can do it. Another thing that is so great is that there is twice the space which will make things like celebrating Christmas so much better and easier.

Today Boston went to a friends house and it all went great. Since we put him into a big boy bed he hadn't slept anywhere but his bed so I had no idea how nap time would go. She said she just laid with him for like twenty minutes and he fell right asleep. I was shocked! He always did great sleeping somewhere else in the crib or pack and play, but I had no idea how this would go. Trav and I were talking and we can't believe how well Boston is handling this now. He just seems so grown up about it, which makes me happy but sad at the same time that he has to grow up so fast. Hard, but definitely a blessing.

The baby is still a mover. I am positive Boston was never this active this early on. Doc's are hoping three more weeks at least. I feel like I can totally do that. I really hope that I can go five. Something about the thirties sounds so much more comforting than the twenties. Sure do love the little guy.

Thank you again for your thoughts and prayers can't tell you how much they mean to us. O and Nikki thank you for the slice of heaven tonight. Seriously delicious!!!

24 Weeks 6 Days

Yet again another day down! My nurses were telling me that I wasn't drinking enough water so today I felt like my day was filled by drinking water and going to the bathroom. Ha. I had a lot of visitors today which is always nice. Jamie made me a cute headband which i love and am so excited about since Doc says no blow drying becuase I would have to sit up or use too much stomach muscles. I also found out that the hospital has blue bell ice cream. I don't know if I can speak bad about there food any more, because I love me some blue bell. Boston was excited to see me again today so of course I loved that!

The baby is one crazy boy. The nurses have been having a hard time monitoring him because he is all over the place. He has a lot more room than most babies at this point due the way my cervix is. I am glad he is active, but I hope he calms down a little so he doesn't put pressure on my cervix it can't take much more before it's done. Did I mention that he gets the hiccups at least three times a day. I sure do love him!

My mother in law left today and we are so sad. I have no idea all of what she did back at our house, but I can only imagine and I am so grateful. We can't wait for her to come back. Boston is going to miss her like crazy!

Speaking of crazy have I told you about my Doctor? He is the quirkiest guy ever! I love him. He said he likes coming to my room because I watch football, but I'm pretty sure it's because of my 7-11 that I have. Seriously I have so many treats that people have brought and I didn't know what I was going to do with them. No worries my doctor finished my sweedish fish and made a big dent in my pringles tonight. I don't think he even knew he was eating them. The guy is hilarious it tell ya.

24 Weeks 5 Days

One week down in this crazy place! Even though the days feel SOOO long I kinda can't believe it has been a week. Today was a great day! Started out with a nice "bath" :) and then a friend from my ward brought me subway for lunch and it was delicious. Trav got off work early today so he was able to come spend a couple hours with me then go home and get Boston and my mother in law. They got back just in time for the ultra sound. Doctor walked in and said well we have jumped from 10 percent survival rate to 45 in the last week. He checked and things haven't changed which is GREAT! I think he was kinda shocked to see that I am still pregnant and it made me so happy to kinda prove him wrong. Our baby is weighing in at one pound eight ounces and has the cutest HUGE lips. He asked if I had any questions and of course I just had to ask the one he couldn't answer... How long? He did give me some positive news and said that if I make it to 28 weeks he would re-evaluate and see if I still had to be here. He said don't get your hopes up that I will let you out, but that at 32-34 weeks if the baby was doing good they would possibly let me go home and let it happen when it happened. He said you might only make it to your car before you go into labor, but at least it is a time slot. It was so good to hear that even though they didn't seem to think that I would make it that far. Trav and I have set a goal for 30-32 weeks and would feel so good about things at that point.

After the ultra sound I was able to spend some good time with my family. It was so great Boston didn't want to leave tonight which was pretty much heaven for me. I got to feed him dinner, hear his deep laugh, listen to him talk my ear off, watch him unload the most random group of toys from his pack pack, watch a show with him, and see him so happy. It was really an amazing day! I have so much to be grateful for.

Mosiah 24:14
And I will also ease the burdens which are out upon your shoulder, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.
Trav and I loved this tonight while reading.

24 Weeks 4 Days

Wahoo for another day! Today my emotions have been all over the place. I have definitely gone from one end of the spectrum to the other. I was about to go out and give the nurses a little word last night they were so loud! I wanted to remind them that most people sleep at night. It seriously sounded like they were having a Christmas party out there. With that said I probably woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I was so sad this morning and missed Boston so much. Then around ten they were monitoring the baby and I all the sudden got so hot and dizzy. Next thing I know I was throwing up like crazy and continued to do so for about an hour. They gave me some zofran and I was able to stop, but still felt nausea's until around six. They wouldn't let me eat anything and could hardly drink at all. I was starving, but at the same time nothing sounded good. Finally I was able to eat some saltine crackers and a shake. I felt so much better. My Doctor came in and said jokingly that I hadn't kept the rules very well today with my throwing up, coughing and when he came in i sneezed twice. Whoops. My visiting teachers came over and it was so nice to visit with each other.



On another note Boston took a great nap today and therefor had such a great night. Trav said it was so good to have our happy boy back. I am sure it has nothing to do with the fact that Grandma is spoiling him like crazy!








From what I hear the pack n play has been a big hit at home. Not sure why, but he has been loving to play in it. Whatever makes him happy.
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24 Weeks 3 Days

Today was another pretty good day. I am starting to think that by the time I leave this place I am going to be a nut case. Really being flat on your back 24 hours a day can make you a little crazy. Obviously this is where I want and need to be, but I can't help but think. My hair is falling out like a crazy. I am for sure going to need a good hair cut once I get out of here. I have been debating if I should grow my hair out again and well hopefully I will have at least two months of healthy (meaning no blow dryer and flat iron) growing behind me.

The baby looks great again today. I have had a couple contractions mostly due to having a full boater. I don't know if I will continue to blog everyday because well not much goes on and not much has changed which is all good. Wednesdays are the big day where I get ultrasounds and all the checkups done so I will for sure post then.

In the mean time this is what happens to Boston in the car



Poor guy is so exhausted. He is having such a hard time. He and Trav could definitely use your prayers. I can help but think about how heavy a weight this is for them. I know there isn't much that I can do to help, but I wish so bad there was.

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24 Weeks 2 Days

Another day down! Today was a good day. I had quit a few visitors which always makes time go by faster. One of the best parts of the day was when the priests came to the hospital and gave me the sacrament. Something about seeing those boys come over here to do that just for me and seeing there genuine concern for me made me all the more excited to have boys. I pray that I will be able to raise mine to be just as great. Then of course tonight ended great when Trav and I got to spend some time together just the two of us. I really miss the nights that we would just sit and stare at the TV both completely exhausted from the day. We also were able to read the scriptures together again tonight, which is something that neither of us have been able to do the last couple days together because our brains have been too crazy to focus.

The baby has been one very active boy today. I seriously was a little worried that he was kicking too hard. This place has got me terrified to sneeze, laugh too hard, or cough so I thought for sure the kicking would do me in. They took me off the antibiotics today in hopes that me stomach would settle down. My doctor said that usually he can get a week out of his patients on the medicine before it does them in. I am a weakling when it comes to antibiotics they always kill my stomach. I have been really nausea's and dizzy today. I was afraid I was going to throw up, but luckily good ole milk of magnesia and a great home cooked meal came to the rescue. I missed my little man today so much. We decided that he needed a day to just be home and see if it would help him out. He did so much better going potty and seemed to be very happy having Daddy and Grandma's full attention today. Not saying he was a charm today because I think it was still ruff, but I do think being home was good for him.

People keep asking me how I am making it through this. My only answers are of course my family and faith and hope. I remember the day I got checked in Trav and I just kept telling each other we have got to have faith. A friend of my sister in laws had their little guy at 23 weeks. I remember I had Boston a couple months after he was born and I remember how crazy everything was for them, but always being so in awe with how great they were doing and how strong they were. They told me hope proceeds faith, faith proceeds miracles, and miracles do happen. I have hope in a miracle and faith in my Heavenly Father that he knows what's best. My old relief society president came by today and left me some talks that she was using in her lesson today. One talk was " A more excellent hope" by Elder Russell M. Nelson. A lot of things stood out to me in the talk, but my favorite quote is "A more excellent hope is mightier than an wistful hope. Hope fortified by faith and charity, forges a force as strong as steel. Hope becomes an anchor to the soul." I feel like I am anchored by hope and have no doubt that however this turns out my faith has become stronger and therefore my hope has increased. Hope is essential to faith and faith is essential to hope.

24 Weeks 1 Day

The facts...
RN- Jane/day Treesa/night
Babies heart rate- 143-150
Uterus- no contractions

Today was another great but hard day for me. I feel like I have been crying all day. Both because I miss being with my family so much and because I can feel the spirit so close and am overwhelmed with how much love I feel. I just want to be with Trav and Boston all day, but we don't want it to get to the point that he doesn't want to come here. He is having a hard time with all this and doesn't really understand what is going on and why Mommy can't run around with him. He has been reverting back on the potty training which is hard because he refuses to wear a pull up. Things like that make it hard to not be there and he is just completely exhausted. I feel so bad for him.

I spent the day addressing our Christmas cards and watching football. It was kinda lonely, but ended great! Trav, Bobo, my Mother in law, and both Travs brothers and their family came to visit. We enjoyed pizza and my nephews sang me a Christmas song they sang today at the nativity, which just made me cry again. Emily painted my toes and brought a couple things that will be really useful. It was so good to see everyone and spend time with them. Thank you B and Em for coming up and for all you did for us we really appreciate it. After everyone left my Mom got off work and she came over and we watched a chick flick.



When Boston is here he usually wants to spend all his time out playing with all the hospitals toys. It took all his cousins leaving for him to come sit with me. Even though it is only for a couple minutes I LOVE it! I can't stop thinking about how all this is effecting him and it breaks my heart.


I was told today that every day the baby stays inside me he will receive what would take seven days out here. So really every single day is such a huge blessing. I can't begin to express how hard this all is, but our family has been blessed more than I could have ever imagined in these last four days. I feel like Trav and I have such a deeper love and appreciation for each other. I thought he was amazing before, but now I can't even think of a word for how great I really think he is.

The not so good...
Saturdays are hard I miss the family day
My antibiotics are killing my stomach
Addressing Christmas cards didn't take near enough time
Have I mentioned hospital food?
Having three bloody noses because the air is so dry in here

The good and great!
All my family visiting
My mini fridge stocked with food that actually sounds good
Got some new pjs and t-shirts that are cute and comfy
A fresh pine wreath in my room that smells so good
My back is feeling so much better
Falling asleep to friends episodes

Thank you again for all your thoughts and prayers we really appreciate them.

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24 Weeks Milestone #1!!!!!

The facts...
RN- Jane/day Kari/night
Tech- Michelle
Baby heart rate- 142-150 perfect
Uterus monitor- no contractions!



Today was a good day. It was actually kinda busy. I pretty much had someone in my room almost all day. Between doctors, nurses, housekeeping, room service, and friends it was a full day. I didn't have as much time to get lost in my thoughts. Don't get me wrong I still thought about things like not being able to take Boston to see Santa, spending Christmas in the hospital, not being able to decorate the babies room, and what not, but overall a lot better than the past two days.

Today we started monitoring me and the baby twice a day which I really like. It's nice that the baby is monitored so closely because I don't stress about him as much. Knowing that the nurses are watching him throughout the day and the fact that he is moving like crazy is very comforting.

I had my first bed bath today and well let's just say I have lost all shame. I thought I exposed my self when I had Boston, well that was minimal compared to today. Ha ha. To be honest it felt great to be clean I was feeling a little stale. Besides I will take a nice shampoo anytime even if it is in an inflatable sink and all the blood is rushing to my head due to my bed being inclined.

Over all today was a pretty good day and I think the reality is all starting to set in. My head is starting to clear up, which I am sure also has to do with the fact that I actually slept last night. I feel like I will actually be able to get through this thanks to my Heavenly Father and Trav who is the most amazing man ever!!!

The not so good...
Got compression things on my legs they are so annoying, but are preventing blood clots
Being afraid to go #2 in fear of my water breaking. Sorry TMI :)
Hospital food.

The good...
Meeting milestone one
Sharps coming to visit. Love them
Talked to a lot of people today. Sorry if I haven't been able to call or text back my phone has been pretty popular these days
My Mom took Boston to the sand park and cleaned my entire house. I can just picture it and it feels good.
My mother in law got in tonight. Trav is for sure a mommas boy and I know having her here will help him de-stress a little
Ed, Xela, and they boys came by tonight and we got to enjoy chick fila
Trav and I were able to sit in my bed together and just talk. Even if it was only for fifteen minutes it was heaven.

I have so much to be grateful for that it is hard to let all craziness get in the way. I am grateful for my Heavenly Father and the love I have felt from him and for my family. We truly are so blessed and even though this is an incredible trial for us we can't doubt how glad we are that I am here and the baby and I are getting the best care we can. We appreciate all the prayers, thoughts, names in the temple, and everything else they mean more than you will ever know. Thank you thank you thank you!

23 Weeks and 6 Days

The facts...
RN- Jane/day Kari/night
Tech- Michelle
Babies heart rate- 142-147 perfect

Well we made it another day. Last night I didn't quit make it to never land. Around 1:30 am I woke up with terrible back back and could tell that my back was going to spasm. I called my nurse and we tried a heating pad which didn't get very hot and was no help at all. They then had to monitor me to make sure the pain wasn't contractions and after that they were able to call my doctor and get pain meeds. By this time it was about 5:00 am and I finally went to sleep for about two hours. So today I have just felt emotionally and physically exhausted. I had a hard day today I couldn't help but think about what Boston was doing all day. The past couple weeks with him have been really hard with changing beds, being sick and what not so I kept thinking and feeling guilty if he was having a bad day. It was so hard that I actually couldn't even call Jamie to see how nit was going. I was in an incredible amount of pain today with my back (all having to do with my previous back injury not really pregnancy related other than the flat bed rest). I was given another pain med, but we have to do everything we can to not take them so that neither myself or the baby gets addicted. My Doctor isn't worried about me so much because he won't ever allow me to take enough, but he can't control how the baby will react to them so I am trying to do completely without so we don't have to worry about that. Obviously if I feel that my back will start spasming I will take something because spasming will only make things worse. My mom brought my heating pad from home which gets really hot and that helped a lot. My hospital one actually came undone and since it was a water one I felt water leak everywhere and almost had a heart attack that my water broke.

The day was very long and I had way too much time to think, but couldn't do much at all to distract myself because I couldn't focus on anything. I know each day will get better and I really look forward to that, because wow days like today and yesterday are a lot!

The not so good today...
Got my bathroom privilege taken away and now have a lovely bedside toliet. Even though the bathroom is maybe 10 steps away from my bed my Doctor said that's 10 upright steps we eliminate
I was really hoping for shower privileges, but that isn't in the plan either. I will get bed baths two to three times a week my first one being tomorrow. I will let you know how that goes :)
I missed my boys like CRAZY!!!
Back pain is NO fun. I work so hard to keep it strong and this bed is throwing it out the window

The good...
Boston was so exhausted tonight when he came to see me that I got some great snuggles
I was able to feed Boston dinner if you count dioritos, yogurt, a hamburger bun, and a strawberry sorbet dinner. If you can't tell we aren't too concerned about his diet at this point
I am able to incline my bed a couple inches every little bit. It actually relieves some lower back pressure
Thanks to two of my best friends Boston was well taken care of and I was able to chat tonight and kinda forget about the long day. Thanks Jamie and Andrea.
Got a picture of Boston making cookies with Jamie. Bawled my eyes out, but made my day at the same time.
Trav stopped at good ole Costco and bought me a memory foam mattress cover. Can't wait to use it tomorrow. I am sure it will be heaven compared to this bed.
My brother in law brought me a braums shake. Ice cream does something magical to me I LOVE it! Thanks Ed.

Tomorrow is milestone stone number one. My nurses keep telling me we are going to have a party. I am sure it will be pretty intense :)

Thank you for your prayers they mean more than you will ever know. If you have a blog that I don't know about let me know I will have plenty of time to stalk you.

23 Weeks and 5 Days

The last 24 hours have been the biggest blur of my life. Let's start with last week... I was at the gym walking on the treadmill and started having cramps (which now I know were contractions) after about thirty minutes. I decided to go get Boston from the kids club and call my work out good. I didn't have a good feeling about it so I decided I would be done working out unless everything was ok at the doctors next week. Randomly through out the week I would have weird stomach pains that would last a couple seconds and then go away. Fast forward to December 1st When i went in around nine for my regular 24 week check up. Boston and I went back for my regular ultrasound and after the tech looked for about a minute she said O crap let me go get the doctor. He came in checked me for about a minute and said that vertically my cervix had almost completely depliciated and that I needed to do directly to the high risk specialist.

I called Trav and he immediately left work. Boston and I headed down the hall to the specialist. I knew that it was serious when the nurse took Boston and said that she would take care of him and go play with the toys. I went back with Doctor Allbert and he confirmed what my Doctor said. He said that my cervix had funneled out and that my water bag was bulging. He said at this point my only option was to be admitted to the hospital for the duration of my pregnancy.

My mom left work and came and played with Boston while Trav and I went to get registered, which was actually a joke. We were in complete shock and could barely remember our personal information. We got all checked in and for some reason when they put my hospital band on it became all to real for me.



I got settled in my room and later that night Boston and I were given priesthood blessing by Trav and my Brother in-law Ed. Before bed they gave a pretty painful shot of steroids to help the babies lungs mature at a faster rate. I was also started on antibiotics so that if my membranes strip we can hopefully avoid infection. After a long day I was given an ambien and it was off to never land.

The Plan...
The obvious plan is to stay pregnant for as long as possible. Doctor Allbert has set some milestones for us. The first being Friday were I will be 24 weeks. The babies chance of survival is 10 percent and the risk of long term effects are very high. The next milestone is 26 weeks were survival rate jumps to 50 percent and long term effect drastically drop. After that we try to reach 28 weeks were survival rate jumps again to 90 percent and long term effects are almost none. Then after that everyday just like everyday down is considered a miracle. I am on strict bed rest meaning flat on my back 24 hours a day. Use gravity to reduce any pressure down on my cervix.

Things I am grateful for today...
Priesthood Blessings
Prayer
My Mom being close
Travs work is very understanding and supportive
That I happened to have my appointment today and we could catch it before it was too late
The scar tissue on my cervix that I got from Boston that is now helping keep the little man in
Family and friends willing to do ANYTHING for us
Boston was an absolute angel during all this, which is something we hadn't seen much of lately

How am I?
To be honest today was horrible. My head is spinning a million miles a second thinking of everything under the sun. I actually feel peaceful about the baby. I am more just worried about Boston and how all this will effect him and of course Trav having to take on so much on top of work and all that he already does. I do know that we are not going through this alone and can feel my Heavenly Father close.

I am not going to be shy I would LOVE and appreciate all the prayers you are willing to give on behalf of our family. Thank you.

By the way I apologize about all the errors I am writing this on an iPad while laying flat on your back it's not that easy. I plan on writing about what is going each day so check back and feel free to comment. It can get lonely sitting alone all day and I would to hear from you.